Yes, I have strayed from some of my deeper posts lately...but let's chalk it up to the time factor, which leads me to this thought...
How does an imperfect person make their way in a "perfect" society?Society is so focus on perfection. The perfect house, the perfect car, a put-together look and outward appearance, and most of all...perfect children.
We all want things to be perfect, I know I do...and I don't even put myself on the Perfectionist scale, at least for most things. Who wouldn't want their house to be spotless and beautifully decorated? A nice car that turns heads (and gets good gas mileage)...come on, don't deny it. A closet full of outfits that make you feel like a million bucks? All wonderful dreams, but they are just that...dreams. But children...we expect perfection out of our children. While I could go on and on about manners, attitudes and behaviors what I'm getting at is deeper.
What is it like to have an child that is seen as "imperfect" to the world?Long ago, I was going to post a little more information about CiBaby, but hesitated. How would people, either not knowing her at all or just getting to know her react to her...or me? Some already know that CiBaby has been diagnosed with OAV (Oculo-auriculo-vertebral) Spectrum (and possibly Hemifacial Microsomia) which can involve the eyes, ears and spine (and sometimes internal organs). What does that mean for her? Well, she is completely deaf on the left side and missing that outer ear. And that's about it.* She is beautiful, very healthy, observant, basically has sonar in her right ear** and a wit beyond her years. Most people do not even notice that she's missing an ear. But what happens when they do? CiBaby already asks me "Mama, why do I only have one ear?" "Mama, why do you have two ears?" Aaaahhhhh that's a very good question, my darling. And she's only 3-years-old.***
Then today, I happened to catch Dr. Phil...while whipping something up in the kitchen...and the discussion was on girl-bullies. Oh boy. I'll just say it...Girls are mean! I really don't understand it. Is it that our gender is so insecure that we need to lash out at one another and make others feel bad (or worse!) about themselves just to make ourselves feel better. To somehow validate ourselves and our feelings by devaluing others? I will tell it to the world...I was bullied by an older girl when I was 13. Why? I'll never know the real reason. All I know is it scared the living daylights out of me. So much so that I didn't want to go to school in fear that I would get beaten by her. I faked being sick. I tried to never walk alone in the hallways. This is when I found out who my true friends were.
Why do I bring this up? I fear this for my own daughter, who is only 3! Girls are getting meaner and meaner at younger and younger ages! It's so crazy it boggles my mind and sends me in to small panic attacks just thinking about it. But I need to keep my whits about me. How do we shelter our children from the unnecessary slashings to the soul, those cuts that scar the personality...without suffocating them in the process? Letting them learn that this wonderful world does come with some undesirable, but teachable, sides? That everything and everyone has an "imperfection," some external and some internal. Hell, we're all human. Maybe I should have titled this "Being perfect in an imperfect society."
For now this mama bear is keeping watchful eyes and listening ears. Check back in a couple of years to see how we're all fairing.
*To date we need to get another x-ray of her spine, but I'm not terribly worried.**When the first Audiologist said "I wished she had better hearing in her right ear" we thought..."Good Lord!!! We surely don't!"***She even noticed the fact that she only had one year around the time she was 2-years-old. It's kind of a cute story, actually.