A Sherpa without a Map

I feel like a Sherpa leading my charge up a great mountain...without a map. Which path to take? Either path will lead to spectacular views...but completely different.

I know I should go with my gut, but right now I can't tell if the tightness in my belly is intuition telling me which way to go...or if it's just plain hunger pains.

Thought of the day - 4/15/11

Choices...you always have them.

While you don't always get to choose what happened in your history, you have a choice in how you react and how you live your future.

While this isn't a new thought, it is one that I believe is good to sit and ponder.

Don't forget the ahhhh

So does the "ahhhh" come before or after you trip?

 

And next up on Comedy Central...

Mother Nature!

(*applause*)

She's witty, she's zany, she's sweet...and she can slap you in the face and all you can do is laugh!

Sure, we saw signs of Spring, flowers pushing their little heads up through the earth, the unfurling of tiny leaves...new sandals (aren't they cute?!?)

And this morning...she became an S&M* Mistress

Get out your chains boys, the Mistress is in the house!

*snow and muck...geez, get your minds out of the gutter, people!

The smell of a garden

We've had a lot of hot, steamy days with bouts of rain lately, which has made the vegetables plants grow like crazy. So today, while taking a survey of the gardens, I realized it was necessary to tie up the towering tomato plants...again. After I was done, I went inside to wash my hands and the smell came over me...tomato plants.

Funny, isn't it? A particular smell that invokes memories. Memories of summer, the garden, my childhood.

The other day, when it was particularly warm, I had just been working with the tomato plants and decided to join CiBaby in the swimming pool. I jumped in and sat down beside her. She climbed onto my lap and said, "Mama, you smell like tomato plants."

Now my list will include my daughter in the garden with me and her keen sense of observation.

"Like"

 

 

For those of you on Facebook, you are most likely very familiar with the graphic similar to the one above...the "Like" option. You are also probably familiar with the sidebar that suggests either people to friend (you know, those people you either only know because you've seen them in the street, they're a friend of one of your acquaintances or you haven't seen, nor care to see/talk to them since preschool...of course there's to occasional real one...but whose counting?) or what use to be becoming a "fan" of someone/something/somewhere.

 

Today's was the best though. Today's "Recommended Page" was...

 

Many people who like Walt Disney World like Starbucks.

 

No kidding. I can tell you exactly who those people are too. Those are parents who bring their children to Walt Disney World, go and see everything they can until they almost drop or they cannot stand their kids' whining and crying anymore, go to bed and do it all over again the next day.* Who wouldn't need/love a strong cup of coffee???! I know I did/do/will.

 

*I hold no judgement, we do the same thing! LOL

Speaking of "Magic..."

When in the world did the word "please" become magic??? I don't know about you, but to me, "Please" and "Thank You" are key words in civilized society...a society that is sometimes forgotten and fantasy and "magic" come to call in its place. Good manners, humility and graciousness are not magic, they are essential.

What's the magic age?

So much of what we do is decided for us, like the age you can start driving (15 with a permit, 16 with a license...at least on the tundra, but not a farm), buy cigarettes, vote, join the military, drink (at least legally), and get a better insurance rate...but what about other things? Being a girl I think of wearing make-up, dating and getting your ears pierced.

When I was young I was in dance, shocker, I know. Make-up was no big deal as you got to get "dolled-up" for recitals. I don't recall ever being told that I could not date until I was X age,* but ears pierced...here's where an age came for me. I had to be 13. Why 13? I have no idea.**

Why do I bring this up? What made me start thinking about this? This morning, at 4:40 AM our soon-to-be granddaughter*** was dropped off on her mom's (C) way to work. Half asleep she hands me a bottle of stuff to clean GD's ears and said that GD had been begging for them, and C was having a weak moment, and that she knew that CiBaby couldn't have them. That snapped me awake. Not so much the part about CiBaby not being able to get them, 'cause if she wants her ear(s)**** pierced, in time, be my guest...but the age. I know culturally things are all over the map, but my question became...what is the magic age? 13? Younger? Older? It just had me thinking...What age will we choose to make the magic age?

*I know some people have that rule. Heck, CiBaby isn't going to date until she's at least 25...if I have my way.
**I'll have to ask G-Mama and Bopa, maybe they have an answer, or maybe they just thought it sounded good.
***That's a blog post for another day!
****Prosthetic ears, if we/she decides to go that route, can be pierced as well. They really are a thing of art!

Lying gets you nowhere

Even in retail.

As most of you know, I am a GAP Girl. It's just a part-time gig, but I really like it.* My favorite roll is in the fitting rooms, where you will find me most of the time. Making sure that what people are trying 1. fits correctly and 2. looks good on them. If you ask me my opinion (or sometimes you don't even have to ask me to get it) I will always be truthful.

Last night was no exception. A postpartum mom was in looking for a dress. The one she chose had a v-neck, vertical stripe and empire waist. She asked me my opinion and I told her. She looked great! Of course she was unsure as she was self conscious, she even said so. Then another customer came out and complimented her. She was convinced. I jokingly told her I wouldn't lie to a new mom...way too many hormones! And then there were the ladies and jeans. Who doesn't hate looking for new jeans? Men, maybe. I was so excited when I was able to find a pair for a woman who apparently can never find jeans to fit right, and two others that needed help sizing so they looked great. People, it's my job to make you look good!

I suppose I could lie and say something looks good when it doesn't really, but where does that get me in the end? Maybe more sales right then, possibly, but when someone realizes that something doesn't fit correctly and they hate it (or don't love it but were talked into it) they won't be repeat customers and if they do actually return why would they believe us? I know I wouldn't. And frankly, I don't want angry customers randomly coming up to me in the mall cursing me for making them look like crap.

So...if you want some real help and an honest opinion, come and find me. Who knows...I may even tell you to try another store!

*Except for picking up after the slobs who leave things all over the dressing rooms. Seriously people?!? That's just plain rude.

Being imperfect in a "perfect" society

Yes, I have strayed from some of my deeper posts lately...but let's chalk it up to the time factor, which leads me to this thought...

How does an imperfect person make their way in a "perfect" society?

Society is so focus on perfection. The perfect house, the perfect car, a put-together look and outward appearance, and most of all...perfect children.

We all want things to be perfect, I know I do...and I don't even put myself on the Perfectionist scale, at least for most things. Who wouldn't want their house to be spotless and beautifully decorated? A nice car that turns heads (and gets good gas mileage)...come on, don't deny it. A closet full of outfits that make you feel like a million bucks? All wonderful dreams, but they are just that...dreams. But children...we expect perfection out of our children. While I could go on and on about manners, attitudes and behaviors what I'm getting at is deeper.

What is it like to have an child that is seen as "imperfect" to the world?

Long ago, I was going to post a little more information about CiBaby, but hesitated. How would people, either not knowing her at all or just getting to know her react to her...or me? Some already know that CiBaby has been diagnosed with OAV (Oculo-auriculo-vertebral) Spectrum (and possibly Hemifacial Microsomia) which can involve the eyes, ears and spine (and sometimes internal organs). What does that mean for her? Well, she is completely deaf on the left side and missing that outer ear. And that's about it.* She is beautiful, very healthy, observant, basically has sonar in her right ear** and a wit beyond her years. Most people do not even notice that she's missing an ear. But what happens when they do? CiBaby already asks me "Mama, why do I only have one ear?" "Mama, why do you have two ears?" Aaaahhhhh that's a very good question, my darling. And she's only 3-years-old.***


Then today, I happened to catch Dr. Phil...while whipping something up in the kitchen...and the discussion was on girl-bullies. Oh boy. I'll just say it...Girls are mean! I really don't understand it. Is it that our gender is so insecure that we need to lash out at one another and make others feel bad (or worse!) about themselves just to make ourselves feel better. To somehow validate ourselves and our feelings by devaluing others? I will tell it to the world...I was bullied by an older girl when I was 13. Why? I'll never know the real reason. All I know is it scared the living daylights out of me. So much so that I didn't want to go to school in fear that I would get beaten by her. I faked being sick. I tried to never walk alone in the hallways. This is when I found out who my true friends were.


Why do I bring this up? I fear this for my own daughter, who is only 3! Girls are getting meaner and meaner at younger and younger ages! It's so crazy it boggles my mind and sends me in to small panic attacks just thinking about it. But I need to keep my whits about me. How do we shelter our children from the unnecessary slashings to the soul, those cuts that scar the personality...without suffocating them in the process? Letting them learn that this wonderful world does come with some undesirable, but teachable, sides? That everything and everyone has an "imperfection," some external and some internal. Hell, we're all human. Maybe I should have titled this "Being perfect in an imperfect society."

For now this mama bear is keeping watchful eyes and listening ears. Check back in a couple of years to see how we're all fairing.


*To date we need to get another x-ray of her spine, but I'm not terribly worried.
**When the first Audiologist said "I wished she had better hearing in her right ear" we thought..."Good Lord!!! We surely don't!"
***She even noticed the fact that she only had one year around the time she was 2-years-old. It's kind of a cute story, actually.

'Tis the season...I guess

This afternoon I wandered down into the office to quickly look something up on the computer. T-Daddy had been looking at the "news"* earlier and had left one of the screens open. This is what it said...



Black Friday crowds eager to spend
Many bargain-hungry shoppers skip Thanksgiving meal to queue up for Black Friday deals on toys, cashmere sweaters and laptops.**


Really? People actually forgo spending quality time with their loved ones to get a deal? Ditch people so you can give a bigger-badder next holiday? Seems kind of ironic to me. Don't get me wrong...I'm all about a good deal (if you need it). All about it. And I love gifts, giving and receiving.


But it's about so much more than a huge pile of expensive gifts (at rock bottom prices). It's about the thought, love and care of giving and receiving. A beautiful card with loving words, a handmade ornament, a warm smile and a hug. If someone puts their heart into a gift it will be the best gift anyone could receive.


What do I want this holiday season? A big, or little...size doesn't matter...box of love.



*Seriously, I can't stand the "news." I put it in quotes as I believe that the vast majority (not all, mind you) of the news is incredibly depressing...but they want it that way! They develop and twist reality so you want to follow and watch it like a car crash...so awful but you can't look away.
**you can read the story here if you really care to.

Was it worth the time?

Do you ever ask yourself that question? "Is doing X going to make any difference in the world?"

Since adopting CiBaby I have been on two different adoption panels, each time with CiBaby (that's who the audience really wants to see), July 2008 was without T-Daddy and the most recent, October 2008, was with him . The second one I feel was successful in that not only did we meet some really neat people who are now consider friends, but that people seemed to be really engaged and were asking questions.

But the first. The first one is the one I struggled with. I was a little nervous. Not so much as to what I was going to say, but the fact that I was there alone with CiBaby. I worried about what would happen if she was uncomfortable sitting in front of a bunch of strangers staring at her. If she fussed, what would I do? Take her out myself, since there was no way on God's green earth that she would go into a playroom without me?! But she did great...or at least there was snacks to keep her occupied.

And what was I going to dress her in? We always saw people dressing their children up in really cute outfits, a perfectly groomed little Asian girl in a pretty dress with hair all done....but reality is not so. Reality is not always picture perfect. And although we had the outfits...outfits galore...I opted to put her in some fairly everyday clothes, clothing I knew she would be comfortable in as it was familiar.

While everything went fine, no one in the audience asked any questions. We were kind of the odd-family-out as we were the only ones that had adopted a Waiting International Child, so we didn't necessarily hit some radars...still no questions of anyone. All of this took a chunk of time, mentally and physically, and that left me wondering...was this worth the time? Was everyone so drained from the class, and it was such a beautiful Friday afternoon in July, people wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible?

Not until today, over a year later, was my question answered. We went to a function for adoptive families through T-Daddy's work and not long after arriving, a woman, whom I've never met, stopped to talk to me. Apparently she was in that first class where I spoke. She told me "thank you" that apparently some things I said made a difference and helped them get to the point they are at in their adoption.

So while a lot of things that come out of our mouths are inconsequential to the masses, we occasionally, and unknowingly, say things to people that hit home and make a difference in their lives. And I guess not all of our cosmic questions can be answered all of the time, but sometimes they are.

The irony of it all

While I completely understand why it is, it doesn't stop me from thinking it ironic. Ask any loving mother what they want most of all for Mother's Day and you will hear a lot of..."I just want some time to myself." "To do what I want." "To relax." Hehe

Wishing you all a little peace and quiet. Happy Mother's Day to some of the hardiest working people on the planet.

P.S. As I didn't get any of the aforementioned activities today (except to be able to eat lunch sitting) I will be enjoying a long soak in my wonderful tub once the wee one is down for her sleep.
P.S.S. Don't worry, I will be filling in the blanks of the blog...now that I have a couple of spare minutes. HA! More to come.

Whose job?

This is a question that I have been going over in my mind all day today: Whose job is it to introduce people who do not know one another at a private function...the people themselves or the host?

I have my thoughts on the matter, but I'm curious to hear what others think. It the fault of the guests or the host when people do not get formally introduced? Is it upbringing or a regional/cultural thing? What does etiquette say?

Since when is "Mr." okay?

Call me old school, but when did calling the President of the United States "Mr." okay?* I believe that a seat such as this deserves, regardless of your political leaning, the title of "President." Kind of like "Doctor" so-and-so, etc. When did we become so relaxed in addressing and referring to people?

*Not that it makes it better, but when President Obama had been elected and President Bush was on his way out, it made a little sense, but still not acceptable in my book.

Ironic?

CiBaby and I just got back from our local natural foods co-op, to which we belong. We picked up some tahini for our hummus, no-nitrate added, antibiotic free hotdogs (CiBaby had been begging for them for several days) and some of the finest local cream you will find on the earth...I'm going to make butter, just for fun.

As we were leaving the co-op and walking back to our car I noticed 3 of their employees standing outside of their rear door...smoking. A store that emphasizes healthy eating and living, where a lot of their employees are vegetarians if not vegans and here they are smoking?

Not sure what's worse...the occasional meat and non-organic, non-locally grown food or cigarettes. hmmmmm

How do you know?

How do you know to take the leap from one child to two*? This is a discussion that T-Daddy and I have been having intermittently.**

Is it your heart, your time, your house, your wallet or your child?

Is our heart big enough to bring another child in? We got SO lucky with CiBaby. She is awesome. She is loving, kind, thoughtful, witty, talented and has personality to spare. Could we do this well again? Could we love another child as much as we love her? I don't know how that is possible.

Do we truly have enough time for more than one child? To really give them what they want...us. They want time with us. Undivided attention. Do we rip that in half in order to have another child? Do we let our housework slide anymore than it already has just to love another being? To spend quality time with your spouse and not just be parents, but partners.

Is space an issue? While we don't have a tiny house, they sure do get smaller the larger the children grow. Teenagers need their space, as well as parents from the teens.

Do you really ever have enough money for children? To give them everything you can...the best. The best medical attention, the best education. I'm not even going to touch on material things as I think they are superfluous. Don't get me wrong they are fun to have at the same time, and we love our "things," but clothes, food and a home are enough to live comfortably.

Do your children let you know when it's time to add to your family? Is it fair to your child to go through their unique experience*** all by themselves. To not have a sibling to "feel their pain" or their joy?

As an only child myself, I can only answer from a "child's" perspective. I turned out well. Do I wish I had a sibling? Sometimes, but a lot of times it doesn't matter to me. T-Daddy comes from a different upbringing, he had 5 siblings.

How do you know?

*Yes, technically CiBaby is not an only child, but due to the very large (19 year) age gap between she and Big Sister, she essentially is.
**A couple friends have decided to adopt again, bringing it more into our forethoughts.
***I am speaking of being internationally adopted.

Men of the world, listen carefully

1. Sitting down to urinate does not make you less of a man.

2. If you insist on standing to urinate, assume you've missed and dribbled on the rim. Thus grab a piece of toilet tissue and wipe it up.

3. Anyone that tries to tell you that you are a wuss because you sit doesn't have to clean a bathroom!

*Can you tell which room I cleaned tonight???

Diamonds - really, a girl's best friend?

We finally saw Blood Diamond* and I have to say I am forever changed. While I know it's a movie, that doesn't diminish the fact that a beautiful sparkling stone that has been ingrained in us to "love" since small children has lost it's luster for me.

To say I'm disgusted doesn't even hit the tip of the iceberg. I sat there saying "I don't get it." "I just don't get it." There is a lot of senseless killing that has taken place in history, but I think this might be the worst. I can't even begin to wrap my brain around it. I'd heard of "conflict diamonds" before, but never really understood the impact of it...shame on me.

The Kimberley Process sounds like a step in the right direction...but it's also just suggestion, and not a code.** It's self-enforced. Do the people that buy your diamonds really have the best interest of the people living in that area, or are they in it for the mark-up value, the profit? It does make one wonder, and it would weigh heavily on me.

Never again do I want another diamond.*** If you see a diamond on me, you will know it's one of two things...it's either 1. old OR 2. CZ, you don't need to ask.

*I had been on the very long waiting list at the library, and when it finally came up we just had gotten back from China with CiBaby...aaaah, I think not.
**As stated in the Pirates of the Caribbean.
***This is not to say that I won't wear the few that I have, but I will always wonder how my diamond made it to my body. T-Daddy was happy to hear it.

A good starter for a bucket list

My friend Ker, Leader of the Hutch, got this list from another friend LeAnn's blog and I thought I'd post it here as well. What a great starter of a list of things to do in your life...kind of like that book, 1000 Places to See Before You Die...which of course I have but have never had the chance to sit down and look at it.

Here goes...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars (a tent is as close as I've ever come)
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (I've only been to Disney World)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a Praying Mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child - and how blessed we are!
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (does someone plan to chase me the whole way?!???)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community (my mom has a good friend that is Amish)
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing (I haven't, but T-Daddy and Big Brother have...and caught a tuna!)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China - and it was spectacular!
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (and it won't happen unless absolutely necessary)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (in college and it wasn't intentional. The company I was doing some work for over winter break...the check they paid ME with bounced, so...)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (I haven't, but T-Daddy has)
77. Broken a bone (toes only)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (ew)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Visited Italy

Not too bad, 43%.