How do you know to take the leap from one child to two*? This is a discussion that T-Daddy and I have been having intermittently.**
Is it your heart, your time, your house, your wallet or your child?
Is our heart big enough to bring another child in? We got SO lucky with CiBaby. She is awesome. She is loving, kind, thoughtful, witty, talented and has personality to spare. Could we do this well again? Could we love another child as much as we love her? I don't know how that is possible.
Do we truly have enough time for more than one child? To really give them what they want...us. They want time with us. Undivided attention. Do we rip that in half in order to have another child? Do we let our housework slide anymore than it already has just to love another being? To spend quality time with your spouse and not just be parents, but partners.
Is space an issue? While we don't have a tiny house, they sure do get smaller the larger the children grow. Teenagers need their space, as well as parents from the teens.
Do you really ever have enough money for children? To give them everything you can...the best. The best medical attention, the best education. I'm not even going to touch on material things as I think they are superfluous. Don't get me wrong they are fun to have at the same time, and we love our "things," but clothes, food and a home are enough to live comfortably.
Do your children let you know when it's time to add to your family? Is it fair to your child to go through their unique experience*** all by themselves. To not have a sibling to "feel their pain" or their joy?
As an only child myself, I can only answer from a "child's" perspective. I turned out well. Do I wish I had a sibling? Sometimes, but a lot of times it doesn't matter to me. T-Daddy comes from a different upbringing, he had 5 siblings.
How do you know?
*Yes, technically CiBaby is not an only child, but due to the very large (19 year) age gap between she and Big Sister, she essentially is.
**A couple friends have decided to adopt again, bringing it more into our forethoughts.
***I am speaking of being internationally adopted.
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7 comments:
when you work out the answer can you please let me know!
We are starting the application process again, it will take till about sept to be approved, but I am scared. We got lucky with Olivia too, and every single thing you wrote is how I am feeling!
I will be praying for you!
your heart will tell you.
your brain will fight it.
in the end, what will be, will be.
I don't know that there are "right" answers to your questions. Your heart just grows and there is enough love for everyone. You just do what you need to in order for it to work. I will be praying for you both as you wrestle with this decision. *hugs*
You will never have a clear answer to any of those questions. Except that yes you will be amazed how your heart does not have to be cut in half to make room....it gets bigger.
It's a leap. Close your eyes and jump.
Love you hon
Hi, I just found your blog when looking at an old email from you and it happened to be this entry that was up. I remember having similar feelings about loving another as much when pregnant with our second son. Turns out you can love as much again. Then I thought about it again when we were adopting Neela, although with the added twist of adoption thrown in. Turns out you can love an adopted child just as much as a biological child! Anyway, we'd love to see our China traveling partners again sometime soon!
Marnie
There are no answers, just huge leaps of faith. But yes, your heart has more than enough love and then seeing your children with their siblings makes it grow even more.
With my first, I learned the depth of my love. With my second, I learned the breadth of my love. That's the best thing about adding more little faces - the love multiplies immediately! And to a sum that is greater that its parts.
I think that anyone with a new child gets lucky. Sure, some babies are harder than others, but the blessings and the "luck" outweighs the challenges.
And amen to what Auntie says. I've usually had better luck when following my heart, though... I'm just sayin'....
big hugs!
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